Jon the Baptist.

Well, what can I say. Its been a really great day, down by the bay, I ate some hey, wouldn’t you like to join me eh?

Muahahahahaaa…  Another Update, I know its been a while.  And I’m sorry its been a while.  Things here have continued to be great.  I continued on my learning and reading, which I really love the more I do it.  I find myself saying such phrases as, “Nah, I’d rather read tonight…” and “Have you read this book?”.  Man something is happening to me.

I just finished reading a book called “Humility – True greatness” by CJ Mahaney, which was a fantastic book that really helped me listen to Gods voice on the subject.  I don’t want to get into all the details of it now because I’m just too humble, I’m the most humble person in the world!  Hah, I’m joking, its one of my jokes I used whenever people try to figure out who is the humblest…(how often that happends… I don’t know).

….okk, I don’t know what to write…

One of the main reasons I haven’t been doing much updates is because I told myself, “Jon, only do updates when you really feel inspirit to tell people what has been happening”.  Now I though that would be a great idea because then my updates wouldn’t be just long exam like peaces of literature that only my mom would really get to the end of (no offence mom, thats why I love you ), but the problem is I’ve been thinking so much about what I’m gonna do when I get home that its been clouding my thoughts about what God still has for me here.  Hence, the longness of no updates.  My updates would have all been about, “well, things are great here! coming home soon! Still workin on the church”.  Now I’m not saying all this to defend myself, but I don’t really know what else to write.  This is whats on my mind, and I can’t seen to shake it (Though as I’m writing Gods doing something in my heart, hohooo, its so cool.  He’s telling me to trust).

I had an interesting night with God last night.  I was getting really annoyed at how much I was thinking about my future, that I just was angry.  Not like throwin chairs, smashing a glass cup, kicking a donkey, kind of anger, but just easily frustrated.  And its really been the first time thats happened being here.  All on a count of me trying to plan my future, and make sure that its God’s will.

Ah I’ve found it…

The thing thats really bothering me…is that I want to badly to give up everything to God.  Everything! even the supposivly immature not planning your future.  I want to badly to be able to say to people when they ask, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”, that “Thats not for me to decide!”.  Ahhhh, I want God to control my life.  Its just so very hard when everyone around you says things like, “Well, whats your back up plan?”.  Like imagin this, Mr. Man A comes up to Mr. Man B.  Mr. A says “so Mr. B how are you going to support yourself in the future? What Job do you want?  How many kids?.”  Mr B replys “I’ve got nothing, I’m gonna just take it one day at a time and see what happends when I trust God that much.”

Now some people take trust and say when its in its extreme, they call it insanity.  Haha, man if thats so, I want to be insane.  I want to be able to say to God, “I’m here, today, and tomorrow, and if you need me in heaven I’ll be there.”  But…can I do that?  Am I allowed!?  Would God really support me?  Or would I get to the lowest of lows on earth, having no job, no family, living on the streets, and then die?   Or would people just take me as insane and say hes just some crazy drug addict who keeps saying “God lives! God lives!”

I though about it today…What would be an absolute failure for me personally in life?  Is it if I don’t make enough money?…No  Is it if not a single soul on earth likes me or even wants to talk to me? …No, but that would sure be horrible.  Is absolute failure if I don’t impress people with my words, actions, and deeds?  …No!  Or is my absolute failure in life the fact that I had the opportunity… to trust God with everything…Everything…EVERYTHING.  And instead of accepting that and giving up, I said, “No God…I’m not going to trust you!  I don’t believe that you could actually do all that your word promises!  So I’m going to work harder and harder until I have everything you promised through my own power!  I’m going to take my life and make sure that I don’t ever need to fully trust you in order that I will continue living.”

Man…I wish I could trust God… I wish people would support someone who wishes to trust God for everything instead of calling them “insane”.  The view of, “God gave you two hands and a brain…use them”  I want to!  I just have an overwhelming desire to use my hands to do God’s work and not my own work in order to supply my needs, and my wants.

If I were to go to heaven, and God says to me, “Jon…you shouldn’t have toiled to hard to support yourself; you shouldn’t have worried so much about your future; you shouldn’t have followed the earthly custom of not trusting me to do what I say I will do…because I had it all waiting for you, I just kept storing up all these things that were meant for you because you never really needed them, you got it all by your own work and toil”, that would be my ultimate failure in life.  That to me is the worst thing that I could ever hear at the end of my life.  But as for now…I still remain; I still live here on earth; I still have the chance to give everything up and trust God support me the way he says he will, if I just trust him.

Can I do it?

Would you support me?

Or would you just call me insane?

That is why I’ve been upset…because I my soul is telling me that…yet my surroundings are telling me different.  Please pray for me to be able to give up, and be “insane” for God.  Or should I say, please pray for me to trust God to actually do what his word says he will do.  Or should I say, please pray that I will trust God to do what God says he will do…the one who can not lie; to one whose very essence considers it an impossibility to lie.

Matthew 19:26
Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

Hebrews 6:18 God did this so that, by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope offered to us may be greatly encouraged.

Hebrews 11:6
And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

I believe that God knows all! He knows my every decision before I make it. He knows weather or not I am going to pray to ask him to help, weather I am going to turn to him for help. He knows weather or not where I will end up in the end…heaven…hell. That is why am I so thankful that he already gave me such an amazing gift as being born into my family that I was. A family where he knew I would have the option and information to become his follower. Now I’ve thought so much about this, because it can make me and many others be lazy…saying, “oh yeah, well I don’t have to do anything because no matter what I do God knows and has it planned…”…BUT, thats not me. God gave me a desire (which came from the experiences that occurred because I was chosen into my family in good ol Canada) to not only be able to follow him, but following with all I’ve got for my entire stay here on earth (Lord willing…).

God gave me so much…yet, I don’t know why he chose me? I mean there still is the huge mystery of why me? this is were I stand inconclusive, and I will aways be until I go and ask him after earthly death. Though, even then who knows if I will even be able to comprehend such an amazing creator (I hardly think one question could answer why he chose me…or an eternities amount of questions for that matter).
When it comes down to it, I have no doubt in my mind that God knows everything (I don’t want to have doubt and give power to evil).

I have faith that he does know what I will do.

…but as well, there are somethings that I will be ignorant of and choose many wayward ways…that is my curse of free will. I now have to choose between good and evil. But (yes another but) now that I have more understanding of the grace of God, every wayward decision I make will no longer be at a loss. Because I will learn and become closer to God through every wrong desision. Its GREATTTT. I Love it! God loves me, and gave me the ability (in a fallen world) to no longer be in persuite of happiness…but Heaven and God.

What I mean by that is…

….think about the people in world (in general), it seems that everyone deep down has a desire for happiness. Right? I can say that…everyone wants a good job, good wife, good family, and a good amount of money to go along with that. They want that ‘good’ so much that if they don’t have it they get into huge fear. They think that, “OH no! my life is terrible because I don’t have enough money, good behaved kids, good husband, my life is a failure!”.  Well…I guess the fact that life is a failure is true if they don’t believe in Jesus, but who was it that told them what good is supposed to be? Is this image in their heads of a ‘good’ life an image from the creator? Does God say that you need a good job, good children, and a good amount of money in order to be happy? Or is this image from the media…aka…Satan! Bingo! they see all this stuff on tv and radio and think, “ahhhh, thats what good is!!! I get it now! that is what a successful life looks like!”…then they go off and strive for those such amazingly empty goals. I don’t blame them, I’m no better, I’m here in earth experiencing the same issues of earthly success..I get down when things don’t go as I think they should, I get upset when I rate myself on earthly means. BUUUUTTT (yea, I like big buts…), now there is something different that I am beginning to take hold of; something that was there all along, but I was never taught, until I became closer with God…

That is that I am no longer in the persute of happiness…

I don’t care if my life is up to earthly standards of happy. In fact I really don’t want my life to be anywhere near earthly standards. Where is God in these fallen earthly standards? Satan has twisted sooo much of what this life has to offer. People believe that they can have a perfect life…when in fact it is not possible, we are fallen, we gave up the right to have perfect lives. There is no such thing as a life without issues and problems and hurts and pains and anxiety, because!! we chose not to have that! Luckly…God sent Jesus in his compassion. We now have the ability go through life realizing that none of those problems, issues, hurts, pains, anxieties, have to continue being wasted. Being close with God, we then see that they are not only ingrained in this life, but a blessing in this life. Being a believer in Jesus…this life here will be the closest I ever get to hell. Being a non-believer, this life will be the closest they get to heaven (I copied a mark Driscole saying).

I look at life so weirdly now…weirdly, in the sense that I’m not looking for happiness, I already have it; I’m not looking for sorrows, for I know they will come; I’m not looking for earthly possessions, for life is so very short; I’m not looking to have a ‘good’ earthly life…but…where I am looking is at God. I’m looking to going to heaven and not having the issue of choosing good or bad! I’m looking up and realizing that God is so beautiful in everyday, and yet I can’t wait to die. Some are in fear of death…I think that is my greatest gift from God. I would love to die, but I also see that being on earth brings great opportunities to help and show others the amazing relationship of Jesus….