Jon the Baptist.

Things have continued to get much better.  This past week was absolutely amazing.  Though it seems I am getting enveloped into my homework, I kind of like it.  This is probably the first time in my life where I have actually sat and did upwards of 6 – 8 hours of homework a day.  The weird thing is, I’m actually not really ahead…

I am beginning to see a huge difference in my two most recent long-ish term trips.  Germany was an all out immersion in the culture.  I was continually being challenged to talk with locals, work alongside non-english speaking people, dive into scripture for what I was going to say at the next meeting…  Here is much different.  I am finding that I’m not forced anymore to do such things.  I have to continually choose to put myself in uncomfortable positions.  The Lord has been saying some interesting things to me lately.  He had some thing to say about my 6 – 8 hours of homework.  He especially didn’t want me to be doing it for someone either then him:

I had a bit of a crisis the other day…  I finished breakfast at 6:45am in preparation for our field study.  After I went innocently to go brush my teeth.  I thought it a great idea.  Little did I know that brushing my teeth would take such time.  I was walking down pondering the idea of the group leaving without me.  I laughed and shrugged off such a heretical thought.  Upon arrival to the gate at 7:08, I made the deduction that in fact there was no one there.  My false heresy had shifted to become the wretched truth.  My heart pounding, I ran to the gate forgetting the fact that I had forgotten my key, which is needed to get out.  I couldn’t see anyone out the gate but I rushed up to my room anyway to get the key in hopes of getting out and finding the obvious white tourist group.  I ran out, and realized within three steps that I had no idea which direction was right.  In fact I ran in all directions.  I ran a little ways down not seeing anyone.  I ran a little ways up not seeing anyone.  I ran a little ways backwards in hopes that I was actually early and everyone else late… It wasn’t true.  I felt so vulnerable and hopeless.  I haven’t had such an awakening in a long time.  It seemed as though my grade just made the leap from hopeful to an immanent failure.  As we humans tend to do, I took such an idea of failure much further then necessary.  If there is one feeling reserved for the feeling of your life ending, I think I used my reserve.  Funny though, that it didn’t end…  Funny that that was actually the exact lesson I needed to remember who is in control.  Just that easily all my worth in school can be set on a tipping point.  I can see not that that feeling is not something that one trusting in God is to feel.  One is not to feel as though ones life is ending when an earthly possession such as grades is gone.  One is to trust.

I have found so many things here that distract me from God.  That is the biggest difference from here to Germany.  In Germany I was kept totally uncomfortable, yet that is exactly where God needs his people so they don’t go trusting in themselves.  I have come to the realization that to be forced into a position of trusting in God is a blessing.  Just as Moses has to leave Egypt for a land where there was no big rivers, no great farming, no great land.  The promise wasn’t that they would have loads of materials for comfort, but that they would have to depend on the rains of the land which God himself provided.  The promise land was a place where they were forced to trust in God…away from the distraction of slavery and comfort.  Comfort is my enemy at this point.  I don’t need to be in the word, I have so much other reading to do; I don’t need to be praying for help in ministry, for I am doing so little.  Yet as soon as I got away from such practices and putting homework first, my heart began to feel it.  God reminded me that no matter how much homework I have, putting time with him first is a must.