What's in your heart?

It seems what is on my heart is how I have so much expectation in my time with the Lord.  I’ve made it this name “time with the Lord” that sure makes it inticing, but what does that really mean?  For I can read my bible and it not be time with the Lord.  I can write a whole bunch… I can sit in silence…  but where does the Lord come in?  The Lord does not want me to have my time with him anxiously expecting to receive a word quickly from him so I can move on with my day and check off my Jesus time box on my schedule.  It is a time to be filled.  It is a time to search the heart and see what its burdens are.  The Bible is good, but I am finding that it can more and more get in the way of actually wrestling through the condition of my heart.  I look to the Bible for correction and wisdom into God’s character…  but what of actually being filled with his Holy Spirit?  Am I really taking my time out to enjoy him and his characteristics that I have learned from the Bible?  Am I actually experiencing my relationship with God?  I don’t know about the rest of the world, but I know that I actually don’t connect best with people through studying them.  I connect best through experiencing life with them.  When we do together, then we have things to talk about.  If all I do is go to the person in hopes of fulfilling my duty, I have lost the big idea.  The big idea in the theme of the Bible…  God wants my heart.  He doesn’t want we to be some great leader, he doesn’t want me to be the best dad above all else, he doesn’t even want me to be the best Christian, but what he is deeply concerned about is what my heart desires.  Does my heart desire money?  God wants that desire…  Does my heart desire a spouse?  God wants that desire…  Does my heart hate?  God wants to heal that and redeem those energies given to hate to turn to energies used in love of himself and his people.

Big question Jon.  What does your heart desire right now?  Honestly…  What desires are not as they should be…  Let me explain why they shouldn’t be there… let me explain why they cause you anxiety…  Let me take your burdens that your desire may be for me and love of the kingdom.  I’ll take care of the rest.  Just ask me and it will be given.

So I pass on the question to you…  What does your heart desire?  What is the deepest desire of your heart?  If you could be given anything in your life right now?  Because if it is not God, he is jealous.  God wants that and will fight ferociously for it…  He has killed millions that his people may give their hearts to him.  He has even given up his own son, that you may know how great his love is…  But really examine yourself.  Let the Lord’s love take over any other desire that your heart may have for it is peanuts in comparison to his great love.  Something so great, yet so overlooked by our hearts is the fact that the God of the universe is willing to care for you…all of it…if you but turn your heart to him and walk with him in pursing his kingdom.

Just thought I would update anyone who is still looking in here to my life.

Things have been a-shiften, if you don’t mind me saying so in a funny manner.  I got home to not having the usual house that I stay at.  It was sold.  It has actually been a good thing.  A good motivator to get me going on from old places.  Though Tsawwassen has been my home for many years, it seems that my community there is hard to find.  I come home to find that relationships are not really re-entered, but rebuilt.  Some are lost, some are remaining.  Some are more distant.  Some are closer.  Some come out of nowhere.  Some cause joy.  Others bring back memories both good and bad.  It may seem like I’m saying some of this in a sad state, but that is not true.  It is just that feeling that many missionaries, and those that have moved a lot start to feel.  You enter what once was home, only to find that it is really just another missionary field to begin a new work.  It is like starting over in many senses.  Home, as so many have said in the past, is simply the place where you have community.  It is the place where you don’t have the constant anxiety of wondering who your friends are.  It is the place where you don’t have the constant anxiety of trying to have something good to tell others you are doing so you feel dignified in some weird way.  Home is where you have peace.  Thanks to the Lord and his Holy Spirit we are able to have peace anywhere.  Perhaps it is more fleeting in some places more than others, but the same God is everywhere.  His rules apply across the universe.

I was worshipping the other day and was blessed by peace.  It seems there is much to not be at peace about, but in the Lord’s presence I have found it.  It is sad that it lasts for such a short time, but all the more reason to go back to him and worship with all my heart.  It is where I have found my strength to remain. My strength of getting through those times where you soul just doesn’t want to be at peace. We must worship!  I have learned this the past year.  In all those times where I felt lonely or just out of passion, it was in worship that my bitterness once again was turned to thankfulness.  It is worship of him that we are made.  So it makes sense that if I am not worshipping him with all my heart in what I do that I start to go empty.  Just as a car does not run on air, my soul does not run off nothing.  But if I want to keep a heart on fire for the Lord it is going to take maintenance.  Not hard maintenance, but joyful, passionate, all-heart giving worship.

This has been some of what has been on my mind.  I hope I can encourage all out there who are empty in soul that the Lord does fill!  He will bring peace.  Perhaps it seems the farthest things from reality, but that it when seeing him come through will mean all the more.

A song that I keep on repeat right now is:  Love Came Down by Bryan Johnson.  I suggest it.  Not just once, but all day!

Blessings until next time.

My time here is coming to a close.  It is interesting how fast it is coming.  I think now it is only 3 weeks.  I come back on the 13^th of June.  I still have 2 weeks of debrief left in Abbotsford.  It is an interesting feeling having to come to an end of knowing a bunch of people for seven months.  There is somewhat an ignorance of the ending time.  It is kind of like the ignorance of death.  We just keep going because what really can we do.  Do we sit and focus daily upon the fact we are going to die?  Hopefully not…  But the same with my time coming to and end.  Unlike death, I know the exact date it is coming.  I will be leaving and will have a whole bunch of awkward moments with people.  Some people I will never see again.  With some I may cross paths with again.  I say goodbye and then… do the awkward wait…  Usually it is followed by some comment that tries to cut through the awkwardness, but usually is just adds to it because it is not something you would ever normally say.  I think I am getting too good at this whole awkward goodbye thing.  Here is a little summary of my goodbyes:

I’ve had to do it first when I left Tsawwassen to do my year of the Quest program at CBC.  Then I had to do it at the end of quest.  Then I had to do it at the end of my Africa trip as well.  Then I went home for two months, then had to say goodbye because I was off to the Trek program.  Then after training for two months with a bunch, we had to say goodbye.  Then after my time in Germany I had to say goodbye being sure that I would never see many of them again.  Then, back for debrief to say goodbye for good to the other teams that were in other parts of the world.  Then is was back home for two month until I again left and said goodbye to go back to CBC.  Then half way through the year at CBC, I said goodbye to all and went to Jerusalem.  After four months I had to say goodbye to those in Jerusalem.  Then it was straight to Malibu without really seeing anyone at home.  Then after another 4 months at Malibu camp I had to say goodbye.  Then I spent the next 6 months between to worlds.  One working in Tsawwassen and the other in Ellensberg in which I would eventually say goodbye to both.  Then it was off to Toronto for training again.  I got to meet a big group of people but as well said goodbye with my team to Germany again.  After a month again in Germany seeing people I never thought I would have seen again, I had to say goodbye to all again.  I went back to Toronto to say goodbye for good to the other teams that were in other parts of the world.  Then it was back home for a small time until I said goodbye again to all and went off to do Trek for the second time.  Same goodbye thing happened after the first two months with all the other teams.  And now what is to come, but another goodbye after seven months of living in Mexico.

I don’t recount it to complain.  It id just interesting to look back at the past four years and think of all the people that I met and will never seen again if not in heaven.  Needless to say, I’m getting pretty experienced in this hello and goodbye thing.  It is kind of sad because I don’t really get sad anymore.

I continue to hold on to thanking the Lord for all that he has brought including this time in Mexico.  It has been a different life than I had expected, but looking back at the hard times and the good times it see his hand at work.

I’m looking forward to see all of you who are reading this once again.  I hope we can meet up soon enough.

Blessings to all

PS – the pictures are some of the thing that we have been doing (Ministry in other parts of Guadalajara, in other parts of Mexico, and our times spent here doing thing for the Matthew Centre.

The Sheep and the Goats

31“When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. 32All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

34“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

37“Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

40“The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.’

41“Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’

44“They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’

45“He will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’

46“Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”

“Not called!” did you say? “Not heard the call,” I think you should say. Put your ear down to the Bible, and hear him bid you go and pull sinners out of the fire of sin. Put your ear down to the burdened, agonized heart of humanity, and listen to its pitiful wail for help. Go stand by the gates of hell, and hear the damned entreat you to go to their father’s house and bid their brothers and sisters, and servants and masters not to come there. And then look Christ in the face, whose mercy you have professed to obey, and tell him  whether you will join heart and soul and body and circumstances in the march to publish his mercy to the world.    - William Booth, founder of the Salvation Army

“God’s work done in God’s way will never lack God’s supplies.”
  - J. Hudson Taylor

“The greatest missionary is the Bible in the mother tongue. It needs no furlough and is never considered a foreigner.” 
  - William Cameron Townsend

“Here am I. Send me.”  - Isaiah

“Had I cared for the comments of people, I should never have been a missionary.”   – C.T. Studd

“Do not think me mad. It is not to make money that I believe a Christian should live. The noblest thing a man can do is, just humbly to receive, and then go amongst others and give.”  - David Livingstone

“The more obstacles you have, the more opportunities there are for God to do something.”  - Clarence W. Jones

“Christians don’t tell lies they just go to church and sing them”  - A.W. Tozer

“Today Christians spend more money on dog food then missions” 
 - Leonard Ravenhill

“Other sheep I have which are not of this fold; them also I must bring” 
 – Jesus

“The mark of a great church is not its seating capacity, but its sending capacity.”    - Mike Stachura

“Missions is not the ultimate goal of the church. Worship is. Missions exists because worship doesn’t.”     – John Piper

“I have found that there are three stages in every great work of God; first, it is impossible, then it is difficult, then it is done.”     - J. Hudson Taylor

“Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: If you are alive, it isn’t.”     – Richard Bach

“When God’s finger points, God’s hand will open the door.”     – Clarence Jones

My business is to witness for Christ. I make shoes just to pay my expenses”              - William Carey

“Whom God would use greatly He will hurt deeply.”     – A.W. Tozer

“Whosoever will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.  For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake and the gospel’s, the same shall save it” (Mark 8:34, 35).            - Jesus Christ

Me and Bailey (Dog of James and Alyssa Wiest)

This week has been an amazing week of being in a great young and growing community of believers.  We, as the team of Hadime, were living in Campo Real – a community near the outskirts of Guadalajara.  Though it may sound like it is some trailer park, it actually is a middle class nicely laid out closed community complete with parks of green grass, fountains, and funny outdoor workout things that just seem to be there more for encouraging people to do something active rather then them actually being active using the random and sometimes hard to figure out how to use machines.

Some of the youth from Campo Real and Teri using the comp

Currently there are two missionaries in the area from MB Mission: Alfredo Beltran and his family and James Wiest and his wife Alyssa.  Alfredo has started many churches in the past; including the one I usually attend here in central Guadalajara.  They have been in the area for the past few years, but just recently started planting a new church.  The services are currently in the stage of being outdoors under some coverings put in the park with some picnic tables and a few extra foldable chairs.

Reyna with a side of Alfonzo and a bit of James in the far background

Being there made for an amazing opportunity to learn how a church of a few months functions and continues to press toward.  We attended community groups, put on games in the parks, prayed for people of the church, and went door to door asking people if they had prayer requests (I did it in Spanish!).  Though we did not pray for them on the spot we received a good summary of what the struggles and desires of the people of the area are they we the church may continue to pray and support.  We also helped one guy from the church at his work.  He has many issues with his workers being in conflict at his work so we went to work and be an example.  Not to say we are always the best examples of a team, but with a team of missionaries versus a team of bus mechanics there are many differences to be notices.  We were able to pray for the place and for some of the guys there in hopes of the Lord beginning a work within the hearts of some of the guys.

Some of the youth from our team and youth from Reto

Spiritually for me things were actually very encouraging in this time.  Perhaps it was the joy of having more youth around who have similar hobbies, or perhaps it was the joy of pursing the Lord’s kingdom in some somewhat riskier manners…  Whatever it was I have come from the week feeling refreshes spiritually and ready to get back into things here at the Matthew Centre.  Though we now only have half of a day before we are off to another part of the city to lead a 4 day mission trip of youth 15 and younger.  We have to do it all as a team.  The food, the games, the outreach, the lessons, the music…  Our team is in charge.  I am in charge of the music, games, and some devotionals in the morning.  Not that I will only be doing that, but those are my responsibilities to make sure they get done.  I’m getting more and more comfortable in singing in Spanish, and in general singing and leading worship.  In the past I have been involved in music in the church but never did I have a lot of experience leading worship with guitar and singing so it has been a good stretch for me.  The more I do it the more I realize I love to lead and sing.  Sometimes I wish I didn’t have a guitar so I could focus more on singing and leading the group, but nonetheless I am gaining experience and joy.

As I mentioned above we are now off to leading a mission trip.  I will be extremely busy for the next 4 days, but then after (if all goes well), we will have some time to relax.  And by relax I mean time to be living in the Matthew Centre where usually everyday we have lessons for 4 – 6 hours.  Hah!  Perhaps not the most relaxing, but at least we are situated and know where our beds are.  Our next month will be about evangelism.  Learning about it, reading about it, living it, and the like.  Prayer for continual health and joy would be amazing.  Our team has been together almost long enough now to start having conflict so prayer for continual unity and times of joy together among the stressful situations would be great as well.

Immanuel (The Miracle Child of the family)

I think about this everyday I am there.  I am able to meet this family who is very simple in style of living.  They have little or no time to serve in the church or seek the Lord’s kingdom with great passion, but the Lord chooses to bless them.  The Lord sees his children and gives.  My view of how God is only going to help me if I do great things for his kingdom has been pushed aside.  My view of the Lord’s grace has grown greatly from being able to be with them and hear their story.  I want to learn more of our Lord because of them.  Raul, the father, told me something of great importance that he learned actually from some mormons who came to their house to help them before.  They are not mormons themselves, but learned from them that spending time thanking the Lord when you wake up, when you eat, and when you go to bed is very important.  I have began this discipline.  Sometimes I forget they I have much to be thankful for.