It has been a while since I last wrote.
Life has continued as it does pulling me in many different directions. The tension between doing what I love and doing what is easily available consumes most of my days. Where can I find balance? Why does it feel like after work I have to try and do so much in order for my day to actually feel like it mattered? Why does doing the same job day in and day out slowly seem to drown my passions? What will it take for a new vibrance?
These are questions that I ask. These are questions that I come to God with.
I felt today God came to me with an answer.
I don’t know about the rest of the world but there is something about looking at pictures of my childhood that makes me want to cry. Not for any particular bad reason. I had an amazing childhood thanks to my committed loving parents. The older I get the sadder it seems to be to look. This emotion never really made sense to me nor did I give it much time to develop into something important enough to want to know why. But today I found out.
A song I have been listening to has the chorus with these words: “I’m no longer a slave to fear, I am a child of God.” I kept listening to it over and over and over again and began to wonder what is it about this song that I need to hear right now? Why is this song pulling my heart? As I had the song going in the background I opened my facebook profile to see my main picture as a picture of myself as a toddler. The emotions began to well up…
The connection was made.
As I looked at that picture of myself I saw such happiness. I saw such peace. I saw trust. I saw no amount of pride. I saw no condemnation of others. I had yet to learn those… I had yet to learn fear… I had yet to become a slave to fear’s leadership. God said that the kingdom of heaven belongs to the children. The kingdom of God is a kingdom ruled by unrestricted love, pure faith, and true hope.
It was this picture that aligned with the lyrics “I am no longer a slave to fear, I am a child of God.” I then realized how God sees me. He sees me as that child. He doesn’t want me to fear life. He doesn’t want me to get hurt. He wants me to take risks to see me go for what passions he has blessed me with. He still has so much to teach me.
It is fear that I have given rulership over many area’s of my life again. I have chose many things in my life recently because I fear. I don’t have much longer to live on this earth. Maybe 40 – 50 more years… Maybe only one more day… Man I hope I don’t throw it all away because fear is easier to choose than trust.
Jon the Baptist. 